


It's a dumb system, Eve

by plxmerias



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, OOC, One-Shot, Post-The forest, Pre- Rome, Teasing, set in season 2, soft, working together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:21:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25664296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plxmerias/pseuds/plxmerias
Summary: “Eeeeeeve you can’t get angry at us if we’re telling the truth” Villanelle stretched Eve’s name, just like a child.“You’re not telling the truth” Eve gritted her teeth; she was starting to get fed up with their bullshit.“Everyone in the world agrees with us though” The blonde smiled sweetly“Except Americans” Hugo added.“Except Americans” Villanelle repeated, nodding.Eve really wished she had killed Villanelle in Paris.OrThe one where Villanelle and Hugo make fun of Eve, and other Americans using the Imperial system
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Kudos: 29





	It's a dumb system, Eve

Seeing Villanelle and Hugo band together to tease her was not how Eve saw her Friday going. If someone had told her last year that an international assassin and an Oxford-graduated fuckboy would move past their hatred for each other to make fun of her and Americans she would have though it was some sick joke she couldn’t understand. She really does not want to be in this situation, specially when Jess had a doctor appointment and got out early, she was the only sane one in this office, because at the rate they’re going, Eve can’t consider herself sane either. Sane-ish maybe?

“Oh look at me I’m American and I use the Imperial system even though I cant do math and therefore cant convert from feet to miles” Hugo said in a terrible cowboy accent, getting a laughing fit and looking at Eve cocking an eyebrow, challenging Eve, Villanelle was to his right, sitting on his desk, folded over laughing like a child. “Did you hear him Eve?” She said between laughs “I’m so happy I haven’t killed him yet” she said smirking.

“If you had killed him we would’ve fired you” Eve replied, annoyed at their antics, without bothering to look at either of them, she had work to do, and she told them just that “Can you two stop playing around? I have work to do, and so do you Hugo”

Villanelle rolled her eyes and groaned; she could hear Hugo chuckling too. “Eve, its” he checked his watch “10 minutes past 5pm, also, there’s nothing to do, we already briefed Villanelle on everything we know about Aaron so far, and” he exclaimed “both Carolyn and Jess left already so they can’t tell us off!” he had walked towards her desk as he explained, his hands inside his pockets. “Also, she always threatens to kill me and scatter my body parts across the Thames and this is the first time we’ve kind of gotten along” He grabbed eves hand, forcing her to stop typing “please don’t take this from me.” She scoffed, of course he would resort to something like this, trying to guilt her into letting them tease her. She extracted her hand from Hugo’s surprisingly small hands and went back to finishing up the report Carolyn asked her for. “You can both leave if you want you know?” This was getting frustrating. 

“We could, but it’s way more fun to stay here and tease you” Villanelle got down from Hugo’s desk and walked over to Eve’s “Even if it’s not the teasing I had in mind for tonight” Eve stopped typing, and closed her eyes, Villanelle’s ability to turn any and every interaction they had into flirting, while very surprising, was tiring. “Jesus Christ Villanelle why are you always like this?” She said annoyed, any other time she’d turn into a stammering mess but this wasn’t any other time, she was at work, and Hugo was still by her desk, an amused grin plastered in his face, clearly entertained by the show. 

Villanelle snorted “Please, you like it when I’m like this,” she leaned in “Eve” she whispered in her ear, making the older woman shudder and inhale sharply. The blonde laughed at her reaction “But for real though, why do Americans use the Imperial system? It’s so dumb,” she stopped for a second, realising something “Wait! Oh my god, you are dumb!” she looked to Hugo, mouth agape and full on laughing. Hugo joined her shortly thereafter, his eyes going from Villanelle to Eve’s pissed expression, the blonde noticed it too.

“Eeeeeeve you can’t get angry at us if we’re telling the truth” Villanelle stretched Eve’s name, just like a child, she continued laughing.

“You’re not telling the truth” Eve gritted her teeth; she was starting to get fed up with their bullshit.

“Everyone in the world agrees with us though” The blonde smiled sweetly, she chose to sit down on Eve’s desk now.

“Except Americans” Hugo added.

“Except Americans” Villanelle repeated, nodding. “The metric system is superior Eve!”

Eve really wished she had killed Villanelle in Paris. 

“I’m really wishing I had killed you in Paris, Villanelle” she whispered, glancing for a second at Hugo, who was unaware of the ‘Paris incident’, as Eve had chosen to call it in her head. “No you don’t” the blonde didn’t take her seriously, she was once again smirking at her, Eve was beginning to think that was her default expression, this only infuriated her more “Well, in this moment I do!” She finally raised her voice “Hugo can you please leave for a minute” Eve added staring down Villanelle. He scoffed “No thank you, I’m good here” He sat defiantly in his chair.

“Leave Hugo” Villanelle gave him a small nod as she said that. He got up, grabbed his things, and walked to the door “But I expect to be told the details on Monday!” he yelled before slamming the door shut. The echo created reverberated through the walls as Villanelle and Eve continued their stare down, the assassin looking more amused than challenged. 

“Use your words Eve,” she said slowly “or your body if you want” she threw in a wink to rile Eve up even more. It worked as intended, Eve balled up her fists, she had no chance at winning in a physical fight, she unclenched her hands, bringing her right to her hair and untangling the curly mess, she let out a shaky breath and started “You are so infuriating Villanelle” she took a deep breath before going on “you are cocky, and annoying, and so stubborn!” she paused yet again, both hands rubbing her temples “and, and you turn every single one” she punctuated every word “of our interactions into you unabashedly flirting with me!” she opened her eyes and stared her down, pointing at Villanelle with her finger “and I can’t understand whether it’s just some sick joke to you,” Eve looked up to the ceiling “or if you just like to make me a stammering confused mess!?” she couldn’t bear to look at the younger blonde, choosing to be dramatic and drape her arm over her eyes “what do you want from me?” she asks meekly, her voice hardly louder than a whisper. She was a mess, all the pent-up frustration she had bottled up reaching its peak and crashing down on her. And yet she felt nothing but dread, at the idea of going home and ordering takeout for one, drinking half a bottle of cheap red wine and falling asleep while watching infomercials. Dread of having to divorce Niko. Dread of going to work and having to put of with Villanelle’s antics and Hugo’s personality, of having to pretend to be okay with Jess, and trying to keep Carolyn satisfied with their progress. And just like in Paris, she felt tired, just so tired of everything. 

“I like you Eve, you’re fun to tease!” Villanelle said, sincerity in her eyes, Eve couldn’t tell whether or not it was real or fake. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be here” she added, matter-of-factly 

“I’m just so tired Villanelle” Eve rested her head against her desk “I don’t feel anything else other than tired” she mumbled against the wood. Villanelle’s hand went straight to her hair, toying with the end of the curls “You’re not going to stab me again, are you?” She said, an attempt to lighten the mood Eve guessed, “I don’t have a knife here Villanelle.” She was sure Villanelle had one on her at every minute. The assassin laughed “You can stab people with a lot of things Eve, not just knives” she continued playing with Eve’s hair. 

Eve sighed, “what am I doing Villanelle?” she asked, before quickly adding “and don’t be a dick about it.” She propped her head up by her arm, hand resting on her cheek. “I think you’re finally doing what you want to be doing, and not what you think you should be doing” Villanelle answered “in your personal life at least, at work? Not so much” they laughed. “We are more similar than you like to admit, Eve” she continued “the only difference is that I don’t care about what anyone else thinks” she looked straight at Eve. “Maybe we are” Eve replied, if she really thought about it, that was what drew her to Villanelle so much, she was cocky, a show-off, confident in her abilities, she knew she was good and wasn’t afraid to let others know just how good she was, Eve had always been the underdog, underplaying her abilities and hoping someone would notice, she wasn’t loud, and faded into the background easily, maybe she wanted to be more like Villanelle, maybe she projected her fears onto Villanelle, maybe that’s why she infuriated her so much. 

“Do you want to get drunk, eat pizza, and make fun of terrible movies?” She asked Villanelle, if she denied her invitation Eve would still do the same, just alone and with more crying. But she really hoped Villanelle would say yes, they were working together after all, wasn’t this something colleagues did? If she ignored the stabbing, the torture, the murder of her ex-boss, the murder of her best friend and the stalking, they were like any other pair of co-workers. 

“Okay” Villanelle shrugged “I don’t have plans” she smiled at Eve though

And maybe, just maybe, this ‘being friendly’ thing could work out.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written all in one night so forgive me for any mistakes, I will correct them once I wake up.  
> Thank you for reading <3  
> You can find me on twitter as @plxmerias


End file.
